Keeping the Faith

SO, OK... I get it. I know it's about ratings. I know its just about who's lucky that day and who's not. I know the first round is all about what producer you get in front of and not really skill. I know that next week thousands of us could be taking the walk of shame past the other thousands of hopefuls. So I know not to take it personally.

But I also know - I have as much a chance at round one as the next guy. That if I make it to the second round, then I actually HAVE a chance of making it further... perhaps to the top. I know I need something, something in my life that I can look back on and be like "hey that was a big step."

I know I need a jump start. Some type of access. A boost. I need money too... and while this... ISN'T money... it's certainly a start, or a chance to at least make some.

So - I'm trying out for American Idol

I know I know!! I'd be selling out. I'd be a slave to "the MAN." I'd be a source of ridicule for Simon Cowell... at least I'm sure Paula would love me. Randy will just say "You're just doing your thing dawg."

Then if I make it to Hollywood, then it's the thrill of the fancy hotel, the big Audition day, the drama with the strange girl from the Midwest. Not saying that all girls from the Midwest are strange...

Then if I make it to the top 50 - the top 50!! Woo hoo! It's Ryan Seacrest and the Coke couch in the red room, interviews and a back story. Live auditions of songs I have to learn in a week. Call in 866-4-IDOL-06 for Justin as I smile at the camera before the commercial break.

Then if I make it to the top 12 - it's tour hopeful! Tweenie fans and signing autographs! It's getting forgotten two weeks after I'm voted off or the hopeful record deals after three months...

Maybe I'll make it to top 10? Be locked into the Fox Idol nationwide tour and gearing up for VoteForTheWorst.com support, complete with a funny cartoon caricature of me and a nickname like "JustBAD" or "Chubbywubby Wustin."

Then comes the Top 5? The chance to perhaps being remembered past a month... more signs and tweenie fans, the "Idol Gives Back" show, a trip home to a stadium full of Justin fans... press conferences and National Anthem Spots. A Ford commercial of me driving up in a red Mustang looking cool with some Katherine McBerino Pickler look-alike. Singing a song about friendship or big dreams.

The Ryan Seacrest says, "Will one of these be... the next American Idol? It's up to you America!"

No, it's up to the Producers. Then it's up to the Executive Producers. Then it's up to the Producers and Paula, Randy, and Simon. Then it's up to more producers and assistants and people that aren't really talent scouts. Then it's up to America to vote, and the record company to decide whether I'm marketable or not. Then it's up to America to vote, and the researchers to make sure I'm not into anything shady, who will tell the producers. Then it's up to the editors, who can make me look good or bad. It's up to the Producers and Ryan to say good things about me and pump me up, or just to introduce me like I would a Bridesmaid. Then maybe, just maybe it's up to America for the final vote... eh... maybe - if the producers are sure I'm the one they want and I'm the sure winner by vote...

Then it's on to one year of stardom. National Anthems at Cardinals football games, the opening day at Baseball games. Nationwide tours and being treated like royalty as long as I'm a good little puppet for the man. It's a one album we'll see if this really works record deal with a $1 Million signing bonus that I'm not sure when I actually get. It's probably less sale volume and production, studio time and all the amenities of being a star. It's being pimped up like a whore for the music industry and I will become what I have been cynic against for all this time.

The next American Idol.

So I guess you can say "Good Luck." Because I have just as much chance of winning a million dollar Keno game than this contest where I need skill apparently to succeed.

Talent search? Maybe... see you on the cut reel. I've decided on singing "Keeping the Faith" by Billy Joel as my audition piece.