Welcome Back

Alternate titles for tonight's post: "Drive in Silence," "Feel the pressure," "Clouds," and my favorite, "I'll take a Venti iced Chi Town."

Take a deep breath. The plane you're on is about to land into reality and you can already feel the pressure of what you left behind closing in on you. Just three days before, you were jet set into the clouds and you planned to stay there as long as you could.

While you were gone, its amazing that nothing bad happened. No one came looking for you, no one called, no one even cared... you liked that sweet change of pace. Back home some people thought about you with happy thoughts, but they all knew you'd be back. You'll always be back.

Halfway through your trip though... you wondered... what if you didn't come back? Who would miss you? Who would come looking for you? You thought... why couldn't you just stay in the clouds forever?

Wake up. You're plane is landed. You're back home.

Welcome back.

* * * * *

The past two weeks in this DJ's life... it's been quite the ride. Would you expect any less out of me? I feel that I'd almost be letting you down if I didn't have something going on to keep you reading. I have learned that there are some new readers to my small or "intimate" list rather... welcome aboard. To catch up on how I haven't really gone anywhere since my first post... check out the archives, you have 72 other posts to read.

Everyday in the past couple weeks, I've gone from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows and back again... sometimes all in the same day. I'm happy to settle for... "mediocre." I've had people who loved me, start hating me on Friday, then love me again by Tuesday. I've had people who loved me at 2:00, start hating me at 2:20, and by 3:00 they loved me again. I have people who loved me that started hating me... and they still do. People that I was acquaintances with all of a sudden start caring about me, caring what I say and think... and they're effected by it. I had one girl be my girlfriend for 4 hours, another for 4 days... neither are my girlfriend now. I had girls open their hearts to me and guys coming to me with problems. Some had problems with me, and in time I have hugged them out and fixed them. I shared a few kisses with a girl for once... something I had been missing out on the past couple months.

All in two weeks... well... now it's more like 3 or 4 weeks.

But I guess it all started on a Sunday, after one of the greatest Sunday Hangs so far. Each segment planned and executed, conversation brewing, it was quick and witty. We had listeners... more than ever. We were talked about afterwards, during the week... we even received special thanks from someone that we plugged. I was on a high.

But we couldn't follow up with a show that attacked as well as that one did since then. Now three shows later I'm still waiting for the next big banger. That irked me a tad.

Then a Monday came, and I made a point to take the next day off... my two boys had gone 30 days without alcohol.

It was party time, a chance to celebrate, relax, enjoy life for even just a night. One problem: I had not a dollar to spend. But, my friends, with their big hearts and their bank accounts in better shape than my own... bought for the night. I got wasted. I was on a high.

To top that off, on a Wednesday morning at 12:38am I got a phone call... there was a free Dave Matthews Band ticket with my name on it, waiting for me. By the end of the concert Wednesday night, I felt as if I was sitting on a throne. I felt like I was finally there. My happiness was too good to be true.

Back to reality.

By Friday it all came back to me. No money... bills to pay... back to life. Back to square one.

I spent the weekend basically working. Taking a strong 12 hour shift DJing, helping with equipment... we were a team. I was busy trying to pick myself up off the ground and getting myself back on the horse.

Which brings me to my first point of this post. There's an old saying: if at first you don't succeed, try, try again. I realized there that sooner or later I'm gonna have to just buckle down, cut my losses if there are any and fix things. But I put it off.

Some times we fall off our horse. What we need to remember though, is that we will always fall of the horse every now and then. But if we are living our lives in any sort of correct fashion, we should get up, learn from our mistakes, and get back on the horse.

Copy and paste that one into your file entitled "Shit you should remember."

By the end of the weekend, I was back on the horse and riding with new confidence. The week dragged on slowly and I knew that maybe if I could just put off my problems one more week that I'd be able to work them all out. Maybe so... but many of my problems collect interest and they continue to call me.

But Friday morning came. A day off... a weekend off. And a trip into the clouds is what waited for me.

* * * * *

Reality tried to grab hold of me on Friday morning, I had put off my problems just one day too long. I had to take care of it that morning before I left... my head was spinning as I got to the airport.

But then that was it. I was off. I was up in the air and off to a special weekend.

Chicago. Egle. Happiness.

10:03 my plane touched down, and I met up with an old friend... a familiar face and smile, a familiar hug and kiss from a friend that is very dear to me. Jessica. I hadn't seen her in a long time, she came to the airport to pick Egle and I up, and to give us a brief tour of the place. She treated me to a Java Chip frap no whip from the airport Starbucks... she got herself a Chi Tea. We waited for Egle to arrive. Jessica picked her out of the crowd. Jessica couldn't stay out late. She had a trip to Ohio for a wedding, so after a game of pool and a beer, she took us to the hotel.

The weekend was great. My head was in the clouds. I was tired... I walked around Chi Town for two days... walking... trying to keep up with an Egle that was like a kid in a candy store. Tons of things to take pictures of, tons of things to see... I couldn't help but just smile and tag along. But all the while I couldn't help but think of some people back home... I wondered if they thought about me at all. I wondered... if I never came back and stayed in Chicago or ran off to New York or took off to Australia... if I'd be missed. I wondered if I'd have missed out on anything that has potential...

Wake up. Back to reality... the weekend is over and it was time for me to face the music.

When you have a three hour flight, sitting in between two large men with no arm rest courtesy... you begin to think. You may even reflect a little bit on the past 3 or 4 weeks, or the past 3 or 4 years and you think... holy shit.

You may think that you're back to square one, back to the beginning, back to the place where you started your journey to the place you want to be.

My next point: There is no square one. Because if you live your life in any sort of correct fasion, you get up, learn from your mistakes, and get back on your horse.

There's no reset button. There's no gimmies, there's no free rides and sooner or later, you'll have to bite the bullet and try again. There's friends and family to help you a long the way but the only person, the only one that can actually get up and ride is you...

...And that's what I have to remember.

But savor the weekends that your head is in the clouds. They may make things clearer when you come back down, touching down back in your home town, in the place where you started this journey to the place you want to be.

As I drove here to JBlue tonight I turned off the radio. I turned off the A/C. I opened the windows and smelled the fresh air and listened to the wind. It's clear now... I have to move on. I have to get back up on my horse and ride again, and while I may need my friends and family to help me, I have to do it all by myself. I have to attack my debts, I have to attack my weight, I have to attack... and succeed.

Welcome back to reality. Welcome back to the place where I started the journey to the place where I wanted to be. It's not square one... I've learned. It's time to ride.