Turntables

How appropriate.

SO, Life is better... for now. J*Phoenix got paid... got some money in his pockets... life is better. There's still some gaps... but life is better.

I realized something. I can do this! I really really can do this. I can budget, I can have self-control, I can be happy during. I can splurge, but I need to focus on what is needed before what is wanted. Sure life can be tough and no, my problems aren't anywhere near over - but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

And I gave myself a jump start.

I needed something strong... something that was gonna give me an honest boost, something that can inspire people. (Remember that one?) I found a little inspiration from my two friends, Juan and Adrian - you know them better as K.I.D and CoolStylz. A month ago, they both went 30 days without alcohol. A pretty big task for two people at such a party-oriented age. We live for the next party. It's natural to us... the beer and the shots and the cocktails... we're used to it.

And we spend hundreds on it.

So they quit alcohol for 30 days straight. That was important. Every time they went out it was water, red bull, soda, or Shirley Temples... that's it. They didn't buy for anyone else, they didn't get drunk... they didn't have crazy nights that either they can't remember, or wanted to forget. They were sober. I was inspired.

I was supposed to give up things too. Mine were a little more "interesting" as the lovely Lunch Girl would put it... I had to quit purchasing drinks, not for myself... but for women. Not only that... I had to quit watching porn.

You're thinking... "Come onnnn J! Porn?"

Yes porn.

When you go as long as me without it and you have a sex drive as high-strung as me... you need assistance. Let's move on.

So I didn't give up either of those. And I kinda felt bad.

The past couple weeks have been pretty tough, and I had been toying around with this idea for a month or so now. I planned to get started when I came back from my awesome trip to Chicago. And, I did. I started September 11th.

I decided to give up alcohol for 90 days.

I will not drink a drop, and I won't purchase any, either. If it's a date, or a birthday, or a celebration of sorts... I will buy one or two for the honored person... other than that... nothing.

My birthday is December 11th. By this birthday, I want to be a better Justin. I want to improve like I've talked about for WAY too long. I've done nothing. I've been a broken record. So, in the great words of Egle, "I'll believe it when I see it."

A changed me requires more than just quitting alcohol for 90 days. That'll change my habits of spending at bars, it'll change my bank account a little... it'll change the fact that I'll be DD every time! But to change ME, to change Justin, J*Phoenix, J, and whatever else you call me... I need more. I need a jump start through my tunnel. I need something that will show everyone that doesn't believe me that I do have integrity, I do have a life, I do want to be better.

So I'm trying again. I quit smoking, too.

I've tried quitting like 7 or 8 times in my life. I'm pretty damn good at it now. This won't be a 90 day thing... this is indefinitely. Since most of you are rolling your eyes thinking that I won't make it - fuck off. When I make it, I'll smile and thank you for your support.

Seriously? My friends, almost all of them laughed in my face and said I won't do it. They said that I won't make 90 days without alcohol, they said I won't actually quit smoking.

I'm sorry I sound like a broken record. Maybe if one or two of you actually said "hey, proud of you Justin... keep it up!" I would actually do this.

Maybe if people held me at higher expectations.

Maybe if people wouldn't let me fold, because they're my friends and they should know what's best.

Maybe if people would encourage me to do things like this, instead of give up on me before I even start.

But maybe, just maybe if I just say "Fuck off" to all you non-supporters... I'll do this myself.

90 days people, not a drop of alcohol.

No more smoking. No one... NO ONE lets a cigarette near my mouth.

No one lets me fold.

I will do this.

I will do this.

I will do this.

The tables have turned again, folks. Time to begin my life.