The View from the Hill

Before I get started on the next part of last week, I wanted to get something off my chest that has gotten me down the past few days.

I have three jobs, my "day job," my DJ job, and the Army Reserves. Each of which, I seem to always have problems in. The Army is easy: I just don't feel like going. I don't feel like being a part of it, I don't like the people, I don't like the situation, I don't like any of it anymore. I'm out of shape, out of practice, and I have no desire to even try to get myself back into it - only to be shipped off to some war and die. I have too much to be alive for. I haven't been going a lot, in fact last year I think I went twice in the first two months but that was it. I went back this year, after they finally tracked me down, but that was only from pressure from my parents because they don't want me to be shipped out somewhere. I'm sure that won't happen. What will happen, is I will be given an "other than honorable discharge" which is not a dishonorable, not even a general/medical discharge. It's just... other than honorable status. Honestly? I can live with that. I can live with having to explain how I have been a second class citizen in the units I've worked for. I can live with having to explain how my brain isn't challenged, the monotonous busy work that I'm given that doesn't even relate to what I was trained for... or perhaps its the whole weekend of sitting around doing nothing - whether I get paid or not - what's the point in even going? I can explain to future employers, that the unit for 9 months didn't know I even existed, that I was just a random name in a pile that I haven't checked off yet. That I had no schedule, no contact phone numbers, no personnel to find that could get me connected to the unit. Even once they tracked me down, it came by certified mail, forwarded twice from an address that was two addresses ago, and it still had no phone number. I had to send a random email out to a commander I didn't even know was my commander or not. I can explain all that. The reserves are easy.

In my DJ job, I'm good at what I do. I'm good on a microphone, I'm not scared to get out there and be animated and be a dork and be a fun person. I'm good behind the decks, with music selection and all the things that go with it. I'm good at talking to people, making them feel comfortable... I'm even good at dealing with DJs that assist me that suck. What I'm not good at, is the behind the scenes, calling the brides on time, confirming events on time, and handing in paperwork on time. That stuff I'm not so good at. So I can understand why they may be a little upset because I'm not making their life easy.
- - But I don't want to really BE a wedding MC. I LOVE being an MC, don't get me wrong. I love being the face and voice of a beautiful evening celebrating two people finding love in marraige. It's wonderful. I love creating a party. I love music - but being an MC for this company, includes things that are a lot different and above and beyond the standards. It looks great on the company - the company is awesome because we offer so much, worry free service with all the bells and whistles - but that's also the part that I'm the worst at. And while I know I need to get better - whatever happened to starting a career in the club circuits? The music production? THATs what I want to do... I'm not made for the wedding business yet. Hell, I can't even keep a girlfriend, let alone a wife - how am I supposed to know what marraige is all about?

I want to move on from that. Not leave it, just move on from it. I want to DJ... that's what I'm best at. I want to do things that I'm the best at. So I think I'm going to talk to them about going back to being a DJ, and working as that - then trying to take on some gigs at clubs.

That'll keep the money coming in. I need to make enough to make one more move...

My day job, the 9-5, has always been a problem. The problem is me, it's not the company or the management or anything like that, and I'm not just saying that just in case someone reads this. Once I would fix one thing, there'd be something else of equal (but normally small) importance to my career. First it was not finishing things on time. Now it's being late to work.

Now I am by no means saying that I'm late chronically. I am late once or twice in a while like everyone else. It's either because I slept late, traffic, or whatever other reason that may be. I had a bad year last year, and that has placed me on written warning. What that means is now, if I get in trouble one more time - well I can pretty much kiss my job goodbye. Great. Just what I want.

So I was late this morning. A car accident two miles from my office locked up the road I was on. Now I'm in trouble, and I hate it when I'm in trouble. On my way in, thinking instead of coming up than going back down, it would be best to grab some breakfast first. I always get breakfast, everyday I do. It's a service that the company offers to their employees, that we pay for, but it available to us if we would like it. I got in trouble for that too.

Now I'm being held to the fire for everything I do. Why do I even work there? It's almost like they are just holding a gun to my head saying "give me a reason..."

So that's my beef of the week. I NEED TO GET OUTTA HERE!! Out of my parent's house, out into the world into the career I want, out of this town, out of this state. I gotta grow up and move on and move up. I need to make money, lots of it - so one day I can shower myself and some sweetheart girl of my dreams with lots of whatever we want. I don't care about being a superstar - it would be nice - but I care more about not having to worry. Being happy. Falling in love. Having companionship, friendship, family, a dozen kids and a healthy retirement. That's what I want and I will stop at nothing to get it.

Ok maybe I don't want a dozen kids... two would be nice though.

I will move on from this subject now.

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Wednesday.

I had only 4 hours of sleep, I was kinda grumpy so when we got home Tuesday night I don't think I even said goodnight. I was even grumpier cause I was used to Egle at least opening the door to say goodnight to me, but that didn't happen either, so I went to sleep. I normally have dreamless sleeps, at least, I never seem to be able to remember what I dream about at night. I sleep like a rock, most of the time - mainly because my body just shuts down for being up so late. The sleep from Tuesday to Wednesday was restless.

I couldn't get comfortable. I rolled around and sat up and laid back down... I couldn't tell you what was wrong with me. I needed to sleep. I was about to drive 7 hours to Las Vegas with the girls and I needed to be rested. Finally after an hour of shifting, I finally got to sleep... and I had a dream.

Dreams that I normally remember are stories, quickly flashing storylines of bits and pieces, as if you were dozing off to a movie and missing some parts. I also have a reaccurring dream about once a year, almost like clock work, that I've had since I could remember anything at all.

The dream is easy to follow, it starts off with a hallway, then there are faces, some I know... some I have yet to see. Some of these faces are talking to me but I can't hear what they are saying... and I can't seem to talk back to them. Then I come into a clearing, space and time mix together and I can see my own world. I can see myself walking, with things that have happened to me behind me as I walk, flying past me at light speed. They flash at me like neon signs, they last only an instant but I can see each one - only because I'm so familiar with it. The scenes I see are of my life, or just of the current day... or of things that I don't remember... things that I might not have experienced yet. Then in front of me I can see a figure. A person, on a pedastal it seems, but I can't see who they are. There's no face - it's too blurry, like steam on a shower door. It's looking at me. It's a girl. The eyes are hard to make out - the facial shape - I've seen this girl before... but I don't know who it is. The girl comforts me, I feel warmth around me and care, but I can not see her and I cannot touch her. I smile. I reach out my hand... but nothing. My muscles shift and my brain triggers the fall, in an instant I fall and I fall quick... And it wakes me up.

I just rolled over and went back to sleep... maybe next year I'll see who it is.

1030 am, and I'm on my 5th cup of coffee Wednesday morning. I was in bad shape. I told the girls to call me when they got up so they could come out here to have lunch. Of course, they got lost, so after a half dozen phone calls I got them to the building by 1:30.

After lunch, I provided them with some points of interest, then I headed back to work. They went to some fun touristy places, Main Street in Olde Town Scottsdale, as well as the Desert Ridge Marketplace in North Phoenix. I finished up my day at work and I told them to take their time - I needed a nap.

I got home, went right to sleep. I didn't eat or anything, just straight to bed. I slept for a good hour and a half, I hate naps during the day because my body is warmed up and I normally sweat like a pig. Upon waking up however, I noticed that the girls were not home yet... hmm, I better call them.

They were lost. Again. Going the wrong direction on the wrong road even. I shoulda bought a street map instead of hoping they would learn this stuff. So I guided them home and then I hopped in the shower. Got out, got dressed... "Who wants to go to Vegas?"

"I DOO!!" In unison, raising their hands... a couple of kids-at-heart.

8:35 - Off we left for Sin City
8:50 - Stopped to get gas
8:55 - Stopped cause I forgot to buy to food
9:15 - Off we left for Sin City, again.

I think the trip in the car was the closest Egle and I had gotten so far. Finally a chance to just talk to her, about whatever... about the past and her future... about politics and old friends... about bad drivers and the weather. Megan slept most of the trip, so we had some time to ourselves.

Around Kingman you cross the 100 mile line to Vegas, according to sources, that is where you can actually start seeing the glow from the city. They weren't lying... sure enough we turned in the final direction towards Vegas, and a slight glow came from the otherside of the mountains. It was at this point where my smile when from big to huge.

The girls got excited about EVERYTHING. They were impressed by so much and they were just awestruck from even the smallest of wonders. I loved it. There was so much to do and see in Vegas, I knew it would be easy to render them speechless. And how it was... They stared at the glow get brighter as I told them about the amazing view of the city all at once, when we go around a mountain. It's very impressive... at night it's amazing.

This was perfect. They were riled up from the Hoover dam and it wasn't even open, I couldn't wait to get to the top of the hill.

"Ok girls here it comes... get ready for it..."
They sat up to the edge of the chairs and stared expectantly out the windows. As the glow got brighter and brighter, my smile grew larger and larger, then... as we cressed the hill... the whole city of lights, Las Vegas. You can see the whole city from the road. Like they built the road going in this way completely on purpose. Vegas is different than other cities because it is such a drastic border. There's no slight build up of civilization before all of a sudden you're there... it's a line that is drawn and a massive city begins. It's all clumped up and the Strip stands tall to the left. Egle Snapped some photos as I held up traffic going 30 miles per hour. The girls could not believe their eyes. They screamed and went nuts, I was beaming. This was the very beginning to a weekend of wows and speechlesness. I looked over at Egle, who had turned to me... "Thanks honey," She said.

No Problem babe, my pleasure.

I had been to Vegas as a 21+ year old only once before, and that was really just a matter of weeks prior, with Adrian and Juan. So all the stuff to do and see were all still fresh in my mind. We parked, I peed, and they changed. We all got situated and relaxed a little and then locked up the car, time to hit the strip.

We took a chance on something different this time. Instead of getting a hotel the night we arrived, we thought it would be smart stuff to stay up all night, walk around and do stuff, get some drinks, and tour the area. That plan backfired... slightly. The first couple hours were great, we hit New York, New York, and then walked over to Paris. We hung out at Paris for a while, where I decided to bring out my first dollars of the trip. Egle wanted to play slots, which I told her never to do - but - we were having fun and not worrying about stuff so I let her. Table games are the life for me, though. I told her slots were a waste of money, which she found out quickly as she dumped 3 bucks into one. Since that was now out of her system, I decided to take them to the blackjack tables to show them how to win some real cash.

I have a new strategy, and it works great if you're with a woman in the casino. While your playing, have the woman stand behind you, but at your side, if she's not playing. Egle and Megan stood on either side of me and brought on a ton of extra convidence. I broke $40 into chips and began to play... Hand the girl chips as you play to "bank" them. You'll never go broke that way.

Let me tell you something. Find yourself an Egle to take with you to the casino. I knew it was Egle because Megan would leave occationally, and I still had good luck. $40 became $60 in 20 or so minutes, I walked. What a great start. Then, in trying to prove to Egle that slots were no fun, I play some with her... while she lost 5 more dollars... I won 10... she was mad! She stole my 10 dollars too I think. I think that was enough gambling for one night.

So we did some more walking. I think we walked the entire length of the strip at least 4 times... I was in pain.

To be continued...