You're Not Cool If Your Car Has No Brakes

And no money to fix them. You know just once I'd like to have absolutely no problems in my life. Just for a day. I want a boring, no event, sleep all day, no bills, nothing breaking down, no sickness, no friendship problems, no girl problems, no work problems, nothing to move, nothing to clean, nothing to work towards. Everything I want to see on TV is on, without commercials, and if they must play commercials then they are required to be the funniest Superbowl commercials ever. Now that would be a day. Finish it off with a perfectly cooked steak dinner and sex with a supermodel porno star and I got myself a perfect day! I would eat all the frosted flakes and doritos I want. Mixed with as much beer as I can take and that's a lot because in my perfect day there's no pass-out drunk...On the most comfortable reclining chair (for a nap). I'll wear my nastiest, over-worn clothes and look damn sexy in it. Not a blemish on my face and razor burn didn't even cross my mind. The dog sits nicely next to me waiting for my next command of "go to the kitchen and grab me another cold one." When I wake up I'll be significantly skinnier, and the muscles I had years ago suddenly showed up again. Every two hours ago instead of calls from bill collectors I'd get calls from long-lost friends looking to catch up on things. But I wouldn't talk to them long, which they understood, they wouldn't want to bother me too much in my perfect day. Another phone call that comes in would be my agent, in conference with my manager, letting me know that my first album just reached platinum and I don't even have to go on tour to promote it. They'd thank me for their cut and offered to buy me dinner, but I declined - cause it'll be on me. But, that's another day when my perfect day is over. And I won't mind that my perfect day is over cause all I want is one day. Just one.

But in life we don't have days like this. Even superstars with all the money in the world who actually do have sex with supermodels on a daily basis don't have perfect days like this. There's always something.

And you know what? I don't even care about most of that. I don't have to have a supermodel girlfriend - who would want a pretentious, throw-up after I eat, we can't fuck cause I have a shoot in the morning, stuck up girlfriend? Those chicks care more about their body than some guys do about their cars. I want a down-to-earth, sweet, give-and-take, doesn't take my shit kinda girl. I want a girl that tells me to wake up and get the fuck outta the clouds and get to work. But then I want her to tell me that she's proud of me when I've done it - and make sweet love to me as if I was king. Then do it all over again. I want an independent woman, but some one who still could use me around every now and then. She doesn't have to be drop-dead gorgeous, just herself and she has to like who she is and not always worry about 'being fat' or what she eats. Fuck all that. Eat up! Drink a beer! Kick back and enjoy life a little, ladies! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder - and THIS beholder thinks personality counts for a lot. Porno stars help, too... :) Kidding.

And I don't want all the money in the world. I just want enough to pay the bills, have a little fun, and go to my own home so I can sleep soundly. What's that song? Mo' Money Mo' Problems? I believe it. Clowns callin' me up askin for some more dough - I'm earning every dollar and damnit I'll spend it. I've been to a point now when i'm tired of being broke - I'm tired of having terrible credit and no way of digging it out. I'm tired of not being able to pay for things when I want them.

Like my car - I love my car. It's a 2004 Honda Civic. I got a terrible deal on it. I pay $380 a month for it. I coulda bought a Lexus for that much. My insurance is the same, $310 a month, because I got in an accident last year that cost them $9,600.00 in repairs. Now the brakes have gone bad and I have no money to pay for them. Oh - whoa is me, you say, poor DJ boy has two jobs that pays a shit load and lives in a big house and can't pay for anything. It's true - I have a spending problem. Not on gambling or strippers, no... On food. Food and drink. Then the bars. The rest goes to mountains of bills that have been racked up. I said to myself - Damn just a $1000 would put back on track. So when I got a $1000? Yeah, it did nothing. OK, so I'm not miles and miles in debt, all I am is late - for everything, in need of some catch-up. Bad luck? No, it's more lile bad habits.

That's not all though, money is not my only problem. And by the way, I'm sorry this is more like a bitch-session than an update - I need these occasionally. I've used up my bitch-at-friends resources and I don't like dumping on people (cause I do it all the time) so I'm dumping on you, the reader.

Now there's family problems too. My brother, Brian, has decided that it's his way or the highway and now my parents aren't talking to him. I don't even feel like getting into that. He says he feels so great it in. It doesn't help that because I'm "part of the family" I'm often associated with his sour-puss behavior. Sometimes this is true - but I certainly don't want to be a part of the battle-royal between children and parents. I still owe them like $700 bucks, anyway.

I've always had girl problems. I think the problem is that I don't really know what I want. Like, I want a girlfriend, but I don't want to commit to anything big yet - cause I'm not ready and I'm only 22-23 years old. (I'm getting close to 23 here folks, give me a break) And plus, I don't know what girls feel. I don't know if making out with a girl even means anything any more. Someone (ahem!) asked me the other day, why I make out with drunk girls. Well, because according to these drunk girls - they LIKE me, but they're only ATTRACTED to me when they're drunk. I've gotten that a couple times before. So it's whatev. It's no Big D. I'll make out with those drunk girls for some temporary fulfillment and in hopes of one day she's not as drunk and she'll remember what a great kisser I am, then maybe she'll try kissing me when she's sober. Maybe I'll get some balls and ask a few of these out on dates and have them drink soda all night. You don't lose judgment on a sugar high.

But as I said, it's whatever. I'm not looking to get married tomorrow, I have a whole big life to work on. Companionship, yes. Some sex, absolutely. Both of those coming from the same person would be nice, too.

And send me some damn money!!