Sleepless in Chicago

Upon arriving home from LA on Sunday, I had plans to grab Serena's truck and have the both of us drive to my parents house to pick up a canopy for the bed. We had taken it off more than a week ago, so she can help me move - and it had been sitting in my parents garage since then. Needless to say they're not very happy with it sitting there for so long.

So anyway we get to her house and, there's no truck. Our first thought, with it having expired tags and being double parked that it was politely towed away and it sitting in a lot somewhere. Well it wasn't, meaning it was stolen by someone and to this day it's wandering around Arizona somewhere. So there I was, with an extremely unlucky Serena, somebody upstairs has got to be mad at her because nobody seems to be on her side. I try to be, but I can only be there part of the time, this girl needs some full-time coverage. So I waited with her for the cops to come and helped with the police report. There wasn't much else I could do for her. But, I let her borrow my phone in the even that the cops called with info on the truck. Nobody did. It sucked not having my phone - but I guess it sucked worse to not have a car either. But she would call me and she would be so helpless. I'm like dude! I can't do anything about it! Then she gets so damn negative I just want to scream! She wonders why I get defensive sometimes, wouldn't you?

All I'm saying is that I can't handle it sometimes. Little problems, every now and then are OK, Even BIG problems, occationally the will happen, and I'll be there for them. But literally everything, everyday, sucks for Serena and I've got nothing to give her! I would like to just give her $10K in cash and say, problem solved, be happy now... but we all know that ain't happening. We all have to take care of ourselves, through the worst times and the best times. Sure you'll need someone every now and again, and you'll want someone around to share the good times, but you have to be number one to you. If that made any sense...

So I went home - I didn't bother going to my parents house now. But that damn cap is still sitting there and my parents are getting a bit restless. Plus all my shit is still there. I moved out to Goodyear and left all my boxes in the garage at my parents garage. My dad was a little upset today when I talked to him about that.

Anyway - another thing that bothers me is that it almost seems as if she relies on me to decide what ever she does tonight, and to make other decisions for her as well. She'll get angry when I tell her I'm too tired or I have to be somewhere else or that I already made plans with Jessica. Her thing is that she "wants to include me on everything." I'm still waiting for the day she turns me down. We don't have to hang out everyday - she says she knows that. But she still gets upset when we don't - she says she doesn't. To be honest - I don't LIKE seeing my friends every damn day, I get tired of them. They get tired of me - we bicker and that's just no fun. I'm glad she enjoys spending time with me - I REALLY am - cause she doesn't believe me. I just can only take so much these days. But then I'll really have a reason that I can't see her - and I'll tell her this reason, and she'll pull out "Just tell me that you don't want to hang out with me tonight. " No... I don't think I mentioned that as being the reason that I COULDN'T hang with you... it's just so nerve-racking and I'm defensless against it because I do enjoy my time with her if she would stop accusing me of lying or being negative and whatever else.

Whew! Sorry about that - my brain just thinks it and I just type it. Anyway back to the story. So Thursday I tried to help more by inviting her over to the new house. I went there to pick up my phone (finally) and I offered to drive her down to the house, and of course, drive her back. I didn't have to do that - but I did - why? Cause I care, that's why!

But Friday was the more eventful eve.

Jessica is in town - I don't think I mentioned this. She's been living in Chicago as you all know - and recently had some boy problems that I won't get into, but due to some undisclosed cercumstances she is visiting here for some time. It's nice to have her around, I've mentioned before how close we are, when we're around eachother. We're both so independent though - that's not as often as it used to be. She came home on Monday, I knew she was coming by last Sunday - at LEAST I knew before she arrived instead of me finding out once she's been home for a month! ;)

So, after a week of wondering when I'm gonna get the chance to see my best friend - she came over to the house. I'd have to say that I was very impressed. First off, I've always thought Jess was a very beautiful girl, but she stepped outta that car on Friday and damnit she was HOT. She's ultra skinny - but not boney - she cut her hair... which by the way, I noticed with the first minute of seeing her (eat it, Caitlin I do notice!). She looked really, really good. After a tour of the house it was off to a local pub for a little while to meet up with Brian and his new female friend. We sang some Karaoke, and had some drinks. I had forgotten what a lightweight she was! Damn it was so much fun, though. We all went back to the house and partied a little more. But all great nights must come to an end! Turns out she had to be up early for shopping with her Mom and Sister the next day - she only got about 5 hours of sleep - sorry Jess!

We did talk about an awful lot. It got me to do a lot of thinking - am I really good enough? Can I really just get up there and do it? I think so. In fact - I think it's time I start making some big decisions, and taking some risks - who knows, maybe I'll end up in Chicago myself!

A toast, to happiness and laughter. Cheers.